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Unkle Munky Pg 131
*Artist - Simian Mobile Disco. *Song - Audacity of Huge. *Videos prone to removal. ---- UK Munky Gold Plus One 17:00 Tony Blackburn’s Celebrity Challenge This week: Tony enters Anne Robinson into a moustache growing competition. 18:00 Pale Winton - Dale Winton talks exclusively to Munky about life before fake tan. (Documentary) 19:00 Tears for Spears This week Britney launches her new perfume - 'Snatch'. 20:00 Devon Knows I’m Miserable Now. This week: Devonshire socialite, Sharon Jenkins, panics after accidentally landing herself a fulltime job. 21:00 Owl Watch Munky, exhausted from a nights filming, begins to wonder if he's watching the owl or if the owl is watching him. 22:00 Sign Off ---- Procrastination Rebecca asks - Dear Unkle Munky, My boyfriend is always procrastinating. What can I do? Unkle Munky says -''' Dear Rebecca, Your boyfriend's condition requires a great deal of tact and understanding. Plastic bed sheets, incidentally, are readily available from bedwetters dot com. I hope this advice offers some relief to you both... Maybe 'relief' isn't such a good choice of word. Ahem. Rebecca replies - What the fuc...? ---- Advertisement ---- Fake Off Catherine from York asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am currently writing a thesis about the detrimental impact that fake paintings have on the art world. From your dealings with troubled artist, Gary Barlow, I was wondering if you could enlighten me with regards to what makes a good or bad fake? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Catherine, I have been unable to contact Gary as he is currently struggling with the finer details of a rabbit that he’s painting. It would appear to my good self, however, that failed fakes all have one thing in common. At some stage during the painting process the artist’s ego will always give him or her away. Here is an example of ‘The Mona Lisa’ as painted by budding art counterfeiter and part time glamour model, Susan Pearce (22). *Pictured: Mona Lisa by Part time glamour model, Susan Pearce (22). ---- Munky's HeadLies ---- How to Dismantle a Washing Machine Karl from Ipswich asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Last year you published a book entitled ‘How to dismantle a washing machine’. I followed the instructions carefully and was more than satisfied with the outcome. My dirty laundry is now taking over the house, however, and I am just wondering when the promised sequel, ‘How to rebuild your washing machine’ might be out? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Karl, Unfortunately, due to the credit crunch, ‘Munky Publications’ has been forced to relax its output. The planned sequel of which you speak has been mothballed until such a time that the markets deem its release financially viable. Michael replies - Well that’s just fuckin’ great! Thanks a lot Munky! ---- What's in a Name? ---- The Chicken Olympics Simone from Hillsborough asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my email regarding the 2012 Olympics? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Simone, With regards to the aforementioned email: I feel confident that 'The Egg & Spoon Race' will indeed be an officially recognised event at the 2012 Olympics. As part of your training I would recommend that you make clucking noises whilst dressed up as a chicken. *Pictured: Simone practices for the 2012 Olympics. ---- Bungle's Barely News ---- Blu-Tack Evasion Harry from Rochester asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am currently serving a three year prison sentence for Blu-Tack evasion. My latest appeal failed miserably and I have therefore decided to dig a tunnel. How can I dispose of the soil without raising any suspicions? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Harry, Three years for Blu-Tack evasion strikes me as highly extreme. I am therefore more than happy to assist you with the aforementioned tunnel. I would recommend, on this occasion, that you simply deposit small amounts of soil in all future correspondences to my good self. ''Munky, I think we might have moles. There are piles of soil all over the office floor?'' 'Unkle Munky replies -' Ahem. Really? ---- An Apology *Earlier this week, in a feature called What’s in a Name, Unkle Munky suggested that people named Martin were incapable of wiping their bottoms properly. In retracting this statement Munky is hopeful that all legal proceedings currently lodged against him by Spandau Ballet’s Martin Kemp will be dropped. Martin Kemp of Spandau Ballet fame replies - And what about the skid mark claim, Munky!? 'Unkle Munky says -' Ahem. Oh for god’s sake! Okay. Okay. People named Martin are no more likely to leave skid marks in their toilets than anyone else is! ''I told you it was dumb feature, Munky! You’re just asking for trouble!''' '''Unkle Munky says -' Shut it, Mary. ---- Next... Previous... More Munky Here>>> Munky's Twitterings>>>